Zen-Jou III
Turning towards our authentic Identity
Contemporary human beings cannot live community in its full sense, because they give priority to their own interests and they consider this attitude or stance to be justified. This current self-understanding is not only promoted, but forced on human beings by multiple calls addressed for the strengthening of the ego by the environment. This collective compulsion results in a three-fold isolation: from oneself, from one’s surroundings and even from the source of Life itself. Uprooted, man gets caught in various types of traps which hold out the promise of a substitute form of confidence and security. In order to bury his true identity, man must flee from himself, an action which undermines his being in the world. In this situation of inner suffering, he requires a string of uninterrupted substitute-experiences that are ‘special’, in his mind, namely, events, excitement, fulfilment of desires; in this context the search for enlightenment is not free from this contamination. The experiences of such people always prove to be insufficient, because the former never deliver the satisfaction they held originally. Human beings continue to search, but they know not what they are looking for. This permanently moving, irritated consciousness is now understood as the normal condition of a contemporary human being. He is pathologically driven by manic desire and action that will not let him go free. Because this deception seems to him to be authentic, contemporary man is trapped in his confusion, aberration and he is easily caught by teachings which contain a mixture of truth and falsehood. Delusion is followed by disappointment. An experience that nothing can satisfy his longing could become his opportunity, namely that his continued search could awaken a certain level of honesty and sincerity which refuses to allow his thirst for truth to dry up.
He who follows longings for the deep impulse for Life in the core of his being, – the Identity of the Kernal-F – resides in the knowledge that his being is accepted by Life- Itself, and he will become in truth a real living being (John 3, 2 ff; 1 Joh. 3:1-10). Such a person cannot lose himself in ‘manufacturing all’, be it due to waywardness or anxiety. In so far as he has been freed from himself, his actions will be determined by his Identity, because he is no longer seeking himself in the first place. In contrast to this person is the one who ignores the ground of being; such a person must handle life alone and he must bear the consequence alone. Should he be unable to do this, the question is: who will carry the burden?
Because human beings were born with a deficiency in Identity they are searching – consciously or unconsciously – for their Identity. Should this Identity-quest not be awakened in the inner core of one’s being – which carries our unique life – the longing for Identity might be misplaced and suggest to the human being that in order to become somebody HE/SHE MUST BE SOMEONE, that is in the set course, one has to take one’s life in one’s own hands and become a manufacturer. Such an attitude may seem to carry the guarantee that the sought –after-Identity could be found in the imagined ideal being striven for, but this drives human beings into an over-identification with the patchwork in the world ( a fragmentary existence), rather than with the whole of being. To be caught up in activity is a modern infectious sickness, by which human kind is not threatened, but already infected, even to epidemic proportions. The more a human being needs to confirm himself, the more his receptiveness is weakened. In spite of the conviction that he has made a contribution by doing something, he remains alienated from his depths and he remains in need of help himself. Delivered over to the compulsion to activity, which helplessly binds him, he is on the look-out for an alternative way to find life. For that reason his actions show him to be a giver of help to others, while his own distress and cry for help are hidden even from himself. The cry for acceptance arises from his isolation, something which he can no longer bear alone. The demand to make everything, the desire to have life at my disposal – his dance around the golden calf – is present throughout all time, grounded in his weakness in Identity. Today, human beings are blinded by manifold possibilities, so that a human being tries to take hold of the incomprehensible dimension of life: he wants to be his own master. This has priority in everything. That is the reason why ignorance combined with suppression and domination can result in the submission of all living things to this quest of man.
Why is it so difficult for many people to accept the law of life inscribed in human beings and act accordingly? The reason is that contemporary consciousness – which sets the individual and individuality as an absolute – is tempted to justify an offence against life. Besides, the universal law of life proves to be a hindrance for living the self-made pseudo order and its practices, which renders meaningless the basic understanding of what life is for and what life is about. Therefore the foundational understanding about the truth of life has become meaningless. The resulting vacuum calls for a substitute, one that must be permanently replaced, since it has no durability. Does this not come close to elevating this passing world to the realm of the eternal? Is that not self-deception? This self-imposed way of dealing with life can only be refuted through re-discovery of the basic order of life, written within us, in order to become aware of the inseparability of life and death. Here we encounter a fundamental problematic in our contemporary understanding – one existing from the beginning of time – that the basic link between life and death has been banished from our consciousness and, we are in touch neither with the meaning of life nor of death; therefore we can overcome neither. That means: in the steam of earthly life – from birth to death – the human being must discover that eternal reality which lies beyond life on earth; then his life is corresponding with Life-Itself, not with death.
It is only by looking into the mirror of Identity, the ‘Kernal-F’, that we can recognise the hidden image of ourselves as illusory. If we peer into this mirror we discover an inner division between Difference and Identity. The true likeness of the Difference should be an authentic copy of ourselves, but because of division, this representation is a store-house of our mistakes and delusion: this abyss can only be bridged in so far as we transcend the image located in the Difference and glimpse the transcendent ground of the true image in the Identity. In order to identify with the image of life – its authentic representation – we must dis- identity from every kind of caricature within us: this cannot be achieved by our own efforts. Caricatures of life are created in us through self-centred fixations, that means, attachments to everything that is available, from self-defeating distorting effect which can distort existence to a mere caricature.
The fundamental questions are: how can such conflicts be resolved, how can this suffering be transformed through a birth-process into purification? To be freed from this kind of suffering one must first find its cause. To be freed from suffering has a condition, that its reason is uncovered in the act of enduring and accepting suffering, during which the hidden suffering will disclose itself. But there is a power working in oneself, against oneself, keeping one identified with the negative suffering. Therefore, one must cut the root of negative suffering in order to emerge from its level of contradictory intention. If this suffering is undiscovered and not uprooted, in other words if we do not uncover our emotional fields, then this lack of effort will lead again to a self-deceiving rigid state, holding on to the illusion, ‘you have managed to escape’, although, the previous situation is maintained. Therefore the search for freedom entails conscious acceptance of suffering caused by the inner caricature, built on a rejection of one’s connectedness with Life-Itself. Acceptance in suffering though diminishes the grip of self-centred acting and opens the possibility of one’s contact with the Source of Life.
In order to follow this way of freedom, we need to become aware of our frailty first of all. Is there one of us, who, in facing daily-life, does not experience how incomplete he is? Can he not ascertain his inability to change himself, despite his desire and constant search? It is in experiencing our fragility anew, in the effort to overcome our fragmentation, that we learn to accept ourselves as we are: in this way readiness to allow ourselves to be changed grows. This path of humiliation and endurance is nothing other than an exercise in and an act of renunciation.
Should the readiness mature to undertake this path, which is a complex life-task, which we refer to as Shugyō, the fundamental question then arises for the practitioner: it this a comprehensive exercise or does it have only a particular intention? In other words, am I required to accept the comprehensive scope of this path, although I have not yet reached the goal – but I require an ideal or aim which provides direction for the exercises – , or may my endeavours be selective, directed to particular aspects of this Way?
The latter quest has the intention of being freed from heavy burdens, and, at the same time, it can be linked with the intention attaining self-confirmation. The roots of this need lie deep and hidden in the human being; they constitute our opposition to Life-Itself . In so far as life-denying energies succeed in presenting themselves as authentic, as irreplaceable, and not the illusion that they are, not in showing themselves as idols – in which case they would be seen as questionable – they succeed in leading the practitioner astray. Here we touch the roots of the hidden darkness stored within us, based on greed, anger, ignorance, and which register in our concrete experience as bondage to distorted intentions, which burden our daily lives.
While on this path I discover a lot of darkness in myself, which is undoing and ruining my life, and which must be annihilated; therefore the question of necessary guidance presents itself: what initiatives will be proposed, how and with what intention? The absolute, initiating moment can in principle take three different directions: they can be effected either by throwing away life, that is, by choosing isolation, or by respecting it or by being connected to the cosmic whole without conditions.
If the given abilities that support our life are to be awakened and be freed from suppression, then the initiator must already be initiated himself; in any event, we must not lose sight of the many levels and possibilities of initiation available. Unfortunately it is a fact, that those who confuse and muddle human beings – by means of initiation – are widespread. They confuse persons, leading them away from their true selves and thereby separating them further from the source, that is, the Identity of the Kernal-F. Those who want to follow this path must accept and live the teaching that one is simply nothing; this is more applicable to the one who leads or teaches others. (Lk. 14:11).
Awareness of oneself and growth in the awareness that I am being led by Life-Itself are inseparable: the deeper one encounters one’s poverty, the more the strength that upholds and gives life can be encountered, mediated through the Identity of the Kernal-F. Through the experience of being trapped and of multiple sufferings sustained the sense of superiority should disappear, and accordingly the confidence that we are not alone increases and we move to a deeper existence, but it might be, that we are only seeking ourselves, in whatever form it takes.
Should we become awakened to the Source of Life and its connection with Life-Itself – the Identity of the Kernal-F and its dependence – we have to become aware, to be touched by Life-Itself, which can directly happen, since the power to initiate us can be found in the whole creation. In this understanding we find the true meaning of Shugyō, we come closer to its orientation towards Life-Itself. If Life, which is found at the ground of being, in its original state – certitude and purity – is received, so that Life-Itself is granted entry, then everything that is dissimilar must have been eliminated. This is the authentic form of awakening, without any mixture of deception introduced by oneself or another. The process offered here, by which renunciation of any attachment becomes a reality during the exercises, is absolutely connected with the path that leads towards Life-Itself.
Fr. Gebhard Kohler
www.zen-jou.org Draft from October 2009.
